I think we have discovered that I have an annoyingly busy mind, if it focused its energy on more useful matters… I could potentially have cured world famine by now… or at least taken the bins out. For instance, the other day I crossed paths with an egg shell, a broken, discarded egg shell on the pavement on a busy Sheffield Street. Naturally, for the next 30 minutes, until I was distracted by something else, I considered that egg shells back story. How did it get there? What happened to its contents? Was it hard boiled and snack worthy? Was it used to victimise the innocent or vandalise the inanimate? I mean, really, there isn’t much to consider here; I could have floated past 10 elephants doing handstands during that 30 minute ponder and still have more eggshell to contemplate.
The Wider Universe Frog is a complex Frog (don’t worry – there’s not many of them) that causes me a very specific feeling of anxiety – I very much enjoy intelligent and philosophical conversations about the crossover of physics and religion. But my God (#IfThatsYourRealName), anxiety can get me when I lose myself to these thoughts, burning in the pit of my stomach but also making my lungs feel like squashed grapes because one question always comes back around… Am I even real?
The majority of frogs in my Brain Pond are large, proud beings that secrete slime whilst they sit there looking pleased with themselves despite how menacing and ugly they may be. The wider Universe Frog is an exception; its skinny, looks pained, and shakes when active like a nervous, malnourished, bald kitten with a skin disorder. I think my mind has conjured this visual because, no matter how much I put the universe to rights, I am in the dark. My other frogs represent more tangible fears, fears that could probably be conditioned away if it wasn’t for my own shortcomings. Wider Universe Frog represents an uncertainty that no one can cure.
Am I even real? What a horrid question; when my mind allows this question to fall into my lap it gives me the feeling like I just want to end it all and see what happens afterwards (Random Insert: Don’t go calling the Samaritans on my behalf, I can deal!). I have my usual anxiety feelings but mixed with this other feeling of being very small and unimportant surrounded by people who are loud and bold and unaware of how small and unimportant they are; which in turn makes me feel very odd and alone… Doesn’t sound too unpleasant but it’s a crippling feeling. I’ve never suffered from depression (#TouchWood), but if I ever do, I hope this feeling is never involved because I usually have the capability to squeeze out of it quickly and couldn’t cope with it long-term… but lets not get too deep:
Random Insert: Even though it pains me terribly to say, I feel like I must get this off my chest – my own father is a Flat-Earther (just to clarify – a person who believes the Earth is flat)! I know right?! These are the people you read jokes about on Social Media, and I have one sitting at home reading conspiracytheories.com with a glass if red. I am not saying that all conspiracy theories are bull-crap, but there is no doubt that this one is. I am fully prepared to accept the idea that maybe the Luna landing was staged, but also – Who cares? Even if it was staged, they developing technologies to get us to Mars using light energy. We are developing space tourism. We are even looking at way we can mine for minerals on asteroids – I mean DAD – 1969 called and wants its conspiracy theory Back! (don’t worry I bought him a years subscription to National Geographic for Christmas – we’ll learn him yet!)
I was bought up Roman Catholic and have no absolutely no regrets in this, I have renounced my faith as an adult but am very grateful for my up-bringing. I pray from time-to-time, but not because I feel like I need to communicate with my Catholic creator before he damns me to hell, but because I feel that if the universe knows my problems, it helps to take away some of the worry. Also, I’m not a very open person when it comes to my feelings so it’s good to vent (#INFJ personality type – if Myers/Briggs personality test means anything to you); hence why this blog if a big deal for me even if no one reads it. To me, religion and science is just as dangerous as religion and politics – they just hold each other back. Religions perfect partner is history #Amen
I enjoy learning about space, the more you read and the more knowledge you have on the subject of space, the more daunting and unanswered it gets. Science only goes so far when you don’t know what’s past the universe! We could just be the genetic makeup of another organism living its life somewhere. We have rewound time through physics to the start of the Big Bang – but a Big Bang to us, may have been the birth of a cancerous lump on the neck of a Zambitoot from the 9th dimension called Jez! Our current planetary situation with global warming, terrorism and teetering on the edge of nuclear destruction could just be Jez’s cancerous lump getting to an untreatable stage four… Sorry Jez.